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MOTHER: Why are your exam marks so poor this term?
PUPIL: It's the teacher's fault, Mum.
MOTHER: But you had the same teacher last term and you did well in your exams
then.
PUPIL: Yes, but I'm not sitting by the brainiest girl in the class now. The teacher's
moved her.
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What's your Fred going to be when he's passed his exams?
The way he's going, a pensioner, I should think!
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What exams do farmers take?
Hay levels.
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Who got the best marks in the animal exam?
The cheetah.
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EXAM QUESTION: Write, as precisely as possible, all you know about the
great English watercolour painters of the eighteenth century.
PUPIL'S ANSWER: They're all dead.
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EXAM QUESTION: When was Napoleon born?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On his birthday.
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EXAM QUESTION: What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.
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MUM: How did your music exam go?
SON: The music teacher said my playing was out of this world.
MUM: Really?
SON: Well she said it was unearthly.
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EXAMINER: Did you make up this poem yourself?
PUPIL: Yes, sir, every word.
EXAMINER:Well, pleased to meet you, William Shakespeare!
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EXAM QUESTION: What happens to gold when it is exposed to air?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: It's stolen.
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