Name of Pupil: HUR, Ben
CHARIOT DRIVING PROFICIENCY BADGE
The results of the Chariot Driving Proficiency Test, which your son was encouraged
to take as part of last term's Road Safety Campaign, are now available.
I am sorry to say that Ben was not successful. For your information, the examiner's
comments are reproduced below.
BASIC CHARIOT MAINTENANCE: Poor. The chariot's wheels were in a terrible condition.
Hur only spoke up when I pointed this out to him. Then he agreed with me that
they were the hub of the problem.
HORSE POWER: Inadequate. The chariot was being pulled by his miserable mother
and three of his crotchety aunts. This was not good enough. Chariots are heavy
vehicles, and need to be pulled by something better than four old nags.
CONTROL: Erratic. Went round every corner on one wheel, claiming that it made
the tyres last twice as long. Regularly drove one-handed and sometimes no-handed.
This was appalling. A good driver knows how important it is to take care in the
CONSIDERATION FOR OTHER ROAD USERS: None at all. Ben regarded any faster moving
chariot's attempt to overtake as a personal insult, to be rebuffed by running
the unfortunate driver through with his sword. When I asked him to justify this
lack of tolerance, he said, 'It's called a duel carriageway, ennit?'
KNOWLEDGE OF THE HIGHWAY CODE: Nonexistent. He thought a red traffic light
meant that everything would stop for him, and his idea of a road sign was to shake
his fist at anybody who didn't.
OVERALL PERFORMANCE: Quite dreadful. Mark my words, the boy is going to be
in some very nasty pile ups if his driving doesn't improve.
I can just see him ending up in hospital and the rest of us having to have
a whip round to buy him a present.