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When I die, I’m going to leave my brain to science.
That’s nice. Every little bit helps.

TEACHER: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
PUPIL: To get to the other slide.

TEACHER: Who can give me a definition of claustrophobia?
PUPIL: An unnatural fear of Santa Claus.

TEACHER: Can you tell me what death is?
PUPIL: Patrick Henry’s second choice.

TEACHER: What is stucco?
PUPIL: What you get when you sit on gum-mo?

TEACHER: How can you tell the difference between a boy moose and a girl moose? PUPIIL: Bhis moose-tache?

PUPIL: If a person’s brain stops working, does he die?
TEACHER: You’re alive, aren’t you?

TEACHER: Name a conductor of electricity.
PUPIL: Why er
TEACHER: Wire is right. Name a unit of electrical power.
PUPIL: What?
TEACHER: The watt is absolutely correct.

TEACHER: How did Edison’s invention of electricity affect society?
PUPIL: If it weren’t for’ him, we’d have to watch television by candlelight!

What is the difference between ammonia and pneumonia?
Ammonia comes in bottles, pneumonia comes in chests.