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Why do soccer players do well in school?
Because they use their heads.

SON: Mom, we played baseball in school today and I stole second base.
MOTHER: Well, you march right over to school and put it back.

SON: I went out for the football team, Dad.
FATHER: Did you make it?
SON: I think so. The coach looked at me and said, “This is the end.”

TEACHER: The national sport in Spain is bullfighting and in England it’s cricket.
PUPIL: I’d rather play in England.
TEACHER: Why is that?
PUPIL: It’s easier to fight crickets.

When do boxers start wearing gloves?
When it gets cold.

I have a chance on the school soccer team.
I didn’t know they were raffling it off.

You’d make a great football player.
Even your breath is offensive.

You’re in such bad shape,
if you threw yourself on the floor you’d miss.

Why is the school yard larger at recess?
Because there are more feet in it.

You’re in such bad shape,
you better not try to lick an envelope.