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Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!

Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday !

Teacher: Didn’t you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !

Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here !

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Pupil: The sausage !

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Teacher: You new here aren’t you, what’s your name ?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
Teacher: I’ll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won’t like that.
Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: He doesn’t like people taking the Mickey out of my name !

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
Because his class was so bright !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher ?
He couldn’t control his pupils !

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to ?
Pupil: Nobody I know !