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Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?
Pupil: I’d be too polite to mention it !

Teacher: What are you reading ?
Pupil: I don’t know
Teacher: But your reading aloud ?
Pupil: But I’m not listening !

Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago ?
Pupil: Me !

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ?
Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

Teacher: How can you prove the world is round ?
Pupil: I didn’t say it was !

Teacher: Name two pronouns ?
Pupil: Who ?, me ?

Teacher: What’s an American Indian’s wife called ?
Pupil: A squaw
Teacher: That’s right, and what are their babies called ?
Pupil: Squawkers !

Teacher: Fred, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting and you’ve only done it 7 times ?
Pupil: Looks like my counting isn’t too good either !

Teacher: Fred, I’m glad to see your writing has improved.
Pupil: Thank you
Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !

Pupil: The art teacher doesn’t like what I’m making ?
Dad: Why is that, what are you making ?
Pupil: Mistakes !