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TEACHER: Young man, where's your homework assignment?
FRED: It blew away while I was coming to school.
TEACHER: I see. And why are you late for school?
FRED: I had to wait for a heavy wind.
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TEACHER: On Monday you said your homework blew away. On Tuesday you said
your father accidentally took it to work with him. On Wednesday you said your
little sister tore it up. On Thursday you said someone stole it. Today I asked
you to bring your parents to school. Now where are they?
FRED: My dog ate them.
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TEACHER: Young man, you've told me that your homework blew off your desk
and out an open window into the trash. The trash was picked up this
morning and you can't retrieve your homework because it is now buried in
a nuclear waste dump. Do you really expect me to believe all that garbage?
FRED: No, but did you really expect me to do all that homework?
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It takes me about two hours each night to do my homework -
three if my Dad helps me.
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TEACHER: Anyone who doesn't bring all thehomework to class tomorrow morning
will get an "F "
FRED: And anyone who does bring all the homework to class tomorrow morning
will get a hernia.
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SON: Dad, if an airplane leaves Chicago and flies 500 miles an hour west
with a 300 mile an hour wind coming East for two hours, and then flies 600 miles
an hour with a 100 mile an hour wind coming East, and then flies 700 miles an
hour for 2 hours with no headwind, how far will that plane have flown?
FATHER: Son, I'll call my office in the morning and have you switch to an
easier flight.
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I have one teacher who is so fanatical,
she even gives us extra recess to do at home.
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TEACHER: Young man, you haven't handed in one homework assignment since
we started this class. Won't you please do tonight's assignment?
FRED: What? And ruin a perfect record?
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