TEACHER: What is the climate of New Zealand like?
PUPIL: Very cold, Sir. TEACHER: Wrong.
PUPIL: But, Sir, when they send us meat, it always arrives frozen.
PUPIL: What's the difference between wages and a salary, sir?
TEACHER: Well, if you get paid wages, you get paid every week, but if you get
paid a salary, you get paid every month. For example, I get a salary and I'm paid
every month. PUPIL: Really? Where do you work, sir?
TEACHER: You're late! You should have been here at nine o'clock.
PUPIL: Why, sir, what happened?
TEACHER: If eggs were fifty pence a dozen, how many would you get for thirty
pence?
PUPIL: None. TEACHER: None?
PUPIL: If I had thirty pence I'd buy a bag of crisps.
TEACHER: What is the opposite of misery?
PUPIL: Happiness, Sir. TEACHER: Good. And what is the opposite of sadness?
PUPIL: Gladness. TEACHER: Excellent. And what is the opposite of woe?
PUPIL: Gee up.
TEACHER: Alan, give me a sentence starting with `I'.
PUPIL: I is TEACHER: No. You must always say `I am...'
PUPIL: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
TEACHER: I told you to write out this poem twenty times because your handwriting
is so bad and you've only written it out eleven times.
PUPIL: Please, sir, my arithmetic is bad, too.
A teacher was talking to her class about the rewards of hard work.
`The ant is an example to us all,' she said.
`Every day the ant goes to work. Every day the ant is busy. And in the end
what happens?'
A voice shouted from the back, `Someone steps on it!'
